peace

i took a 3hr nap today!!!!!! eeks! wasted so much time.. can't blame myself cos i slept at 1 plus 2, trying to complete tt stupid chi compo.

i seriously sux at math. can't do a simple que... much less difficult ques. how how how? few weeks left...

my dad brought alot of vcds and ps2 dvds today... can't wait to watch and play them...

i have this feeling i'm going to make it... but i'm still... like, not getting my facts in the head...
actually i think many of us will make it... oh gosh.. i'm so scared.. i'll be left out... i mean, i have got past so many major exams... doing badly, but nv failing.(except this CT's math).. haha.. can one, can one.. sure can one... jia you!

sept hols

phew... so fast.. another week of holiday has arrived... not sure whether to be happy or not... cos, it can be a week of relaxation, but also a week of mugging..... haha.. actually i think it's more relax than mugging... somehow i juz can't mug during the hols... this is evident from the past years of studying... hmm.. one week is really good... u see, i got CEO when i study the day before the ct.. so, if i study more than one week, i shld do really well rite, at least better than CEO... make sense doesn't it..?

hmm... many ppls dun really like pw... neither do i... but i seriously think it's a great way of connecting and getting to know others... of course, it would be better if we din have to chiong for all the stuff...

it's 10 plus now... still haven't started on the gp essay... (yawns)
i can't wait to get promoted... haha

historic moment in my life

finally!!!!!!!!!!!!! i pass my 2.4km test!!!! so happy.... it's like a stone removed from my heart... phew.... luckily got cheryl teo and shuwei run with me... thanks!

now.. muz still train for next year.... but i'm so glad it's all over....

sleepy...

feeling very sleepy nowadays... juz wanna sleep and not wake up... dun feel like doing anything...
oh, had ndp yesterday.. was pretty cool... we did the sign language.. i've to admit, none of mine were PERFECT... really... i hope we still break the record too... and i hope they dun say who was part of the record... cos i'll be upset to know that my name isn't there...
ps: i love the song reachout for the skies.... juz so lovely.. wish i could learn the whole dance.. instead of juz the chorus...
it's juz so tiring to be studying.. after psle, then o lvl, then alvl, then uni, then work... it's so... sian.

i juz realised my life is so empty... i feel really sad at times... very pathetic .... i'm so pissed... coming to jc is no better than going to poly....
completing o lvls was a miracle...
staying alive is a mistake
i'm so pathetic

mixed feelings

still feeling sick.. from sore throat & flu...

there was spot check this morning.. usually, i wldn't be anxious abt it.. cos my skirt is damn long.. BUT no! i'm in SA, my skirt is ultra short(thanks to my mum).. And YES, i got caught... i, chan yanying joyce, the most goody-two-shoes of all ppls! damn suay lah.... the first half of the girls got checked by dan ho.. then, afterwards, he decided to switch with this old woman cos he wanted to check the boys of e other class... so i got caught... for having one ear stut... (go figure!) each ear can only have one. i only wear one for one ear and none for the other... then she was like... [v. blurish lah]... dun even understand wat she wants me to do.... then she saw my skirt... said it's short.. esp at the back.. pulled up my shirt... HIAX.... so embarrassing... my name was taken down...haha but it's by ct, who is extremely nice... but i'll still try to alter my skirt.. which is already v short... or i'll exchange it with someone... kaoz.. this is a first for me...

run 4 rounds during pe.. didn't stop... but still a not-so-good timing... i hope i'll do better next time... i think i will...

had chem practical.. realised i'm kinda dumb... i.e i can't really apply wat i learn during lesson time to the prac questions... which has been like since forever, including bio...
dunno how to do math and chinese... feeling hopeless... as usual.... it's damn hard lah... esp, when the questions are so long... it juz pisses me off.

i was juz wondering... how did i get past the 7 months of jc life... so fast rite?!!! and it's gonna be promos soon!!!

on the positive side(finally...) national day is coming... excited abt going back to ntss... that is if we're going.... and i'm looking forward to the 'performance' on the actual day... woohoo!! hope i dun screw up...

3 weeks

today i was supposed to take the 2.4km test again.. i told mr ho that i didn't want to run... as much as he wants me to run.. i simply refused... i juz didn't have mental preparation that i was to run today... so.. ya, i kinda told the teacher 'i give up'... i noe, i noe... we shld always have the 'never give up' attitude... but for me... it's really useless lor... oh, then i suggested to mr ho, i'll run 4 rds every pe lesson... then.. he agreed lor... ya, that was before i played games with the class..
After the games, he suggested to me, that 3 weeks later, the second last week of august, i'll do a test again... everything, again... then i was like.. stunned.. but i agreed to it... he was like, 'u did very well in your 5 stations... it's such a pity to give up... '... then i was like' ya, but the 5 stations are not long dist running'....
but, that's the deal.... i'll still continue to run 4 rds every pe lesson until that day arrives...

i think mr ho. is a really nice teacher... i mean, compared to the others lah.. so it's kinda stressful too... i mean, i also wanna do well in running... and i dun wanna disappoint myself, and him too...
haix...

almost there...

failed my 2.4 test.... 18min 12 s... actually, come to think abt it.. i was quite happy with my results... i mean, my previous one was 20.48... so it's pretty much a great 'achievement'... haha... if only i had run harder, i could have got bronze... which, i wouldn't need to run again... well.. nvm.... i'll try harder again next time... but i think it's gonna be harder to keep up with the new timing...

i have to do it!

okay, i drank red bull as recommended by wenmin... wouldn't say it's very useful, as least not to me.. finished the 4 laps, overshot by 15 seconds... after that, i juz couldn't carry on... honestly, i believe there shld be some sort of moltivation to do everything... esp those really tough ones, like running 2.4... i can't think of any lah... i was running the third one, and i was thinking, 'i gotta go, i gotta continue running... because...?' i dunno! nothing moltivates me to finish the run...

i came back, with my whole body aching... mostly due to the five stations i completed on mon... i would really wanna pass this time's 2.4km... in the past years, the night before possible 2.4 runs, i would totally dread waking up, hoping it will rain, or that i will suffer from some sickness... but on last sun nite, i was like, 'okay, i can do it.' and i was like looking forward to do it...

if i'm not wrong, everyone did well for their 5 statns, on mon. so that means, if i dun pass my 2.4 this thur or mon, i will be the only one redoing the entire thing next week... that would really sux...

i wanna pass, really badly. i trained hard.. i think. at least, i've done my part...
it can be quite irritating to keep constantly thinking abt 2.4km... i wanna get it done and over with...

and i can't stand those who tell me ' fail then fail lor' and then they pass instead... go figure!

haix

Did terrible in my ct... suprisingly, my gp and chinese is better than my science... go figure...
have been trying to study hard lately... watching less tv and all.. doing mindmaps??? ya.. i'm trying my best... i do not wanna get retained. nobody does, but i'm gonna do my part in ensuring that doesn't happen...
i wish i didn't have to take math... econs would have been better.. at least the topics in econs make sense... unlike math... functions, trigo, bionomial...
the pt of me taking 3 sub is so that i can conc. on them and hopefully get to do s paper.. but now, i'll juz be glad if i dun get retained...

2.4 this coming mon... erm.. hope i can improve my timing. better still, keep up with the others... which reminds me of thur when i was running with them... i kept wanting to stop.. but i dunno why i didn't... it felt great to have been able to keep up with jan and sw..

i think there's ard 75 days left to promos.. yap.. jia you..

past few days

coop camp was okay only... very slack lah.. it's at a pace that is so comfortable.... unlike counsillors... so hiong... so smelly too... haha. i'm pissed at sy for not running with me on the last morning... it's so sian lah... she always does that.... so why issit she's always telling me that she walks with other people? nvm... she's been a close friend of mine for so long... i'm not gonna get mad at her for such a small thingy... i take it as a lesson learnt...
anyway... games were okay lah... overall, my grp got 2nd place... so not too bad.. my thighs hurt after the frisbee game... which explains why i couldn't keep up with the others on the last day of moring run...
i din run for the elections... i had no confidence in making the speech... besides.. they even asked questions there and then... so kinda freaky... also, the committe didn't really nominate me... so... kinda obvious lah...

legs still hurt... dunno how i'm going to go for my usual jogs.. sian.. muz retrain all over again.

still learning my sign language... very interesting... hope i get selected for the ndp...

moment of truth

yesterday went to play tennis... realise that i really sux at it... esp serving... worse thing is i dun even wanna try... actually it's not that i dun like yh to serve... it's juz that.. we dun have enuf practice... then...it can be quite a waste of time... then... it can be kinda unfair to the other party, me.... haiz... i'm not blaming her... i also wanna practice.. but no one's there to guide me...
then afterwards play badminton... haha... realisz that i'm really terrible at that sport... as least compared to yh and sm.... maybe becos i was playing tennis before that... but then... so was yh.... oh well... i guess i finally realise that i'm NOT a very SPORTY person.... that's kinda sad... cos i do enjoy playing sports... maybe i shld learn from yh.... "dun be afraid to learn... dun be afriad to make mistakes"

argh... i'm having leg and arm pain... eeks... abit of back pain.. cos yesterday was more of picking balls then hitting them...

been failing tests the past month... borderline fail mark for both chem and bio... kinda pissed... math, of course is fail terribly... even gp... i think i was the lowest... hiaz... i'm supposed to be hardworking.... i guess it's time to change my approach on how i shld study.... THINK NOT MEMORISE.... hiax....

well, at least i am pleased to have watch the tennis matches... i was glad i met them... but on the other hand... i'm glad i will probably not see them anytime soon... haha...

miserable life

life is really terrible for her.. she failed her 2.4km test... failed her math test again and failed by one mark for her chem test. she could have done alright for the chem test...but she got careless during some of the ques... well, guess wat? she's abt to fail her bio test too...

this 17 yr old girl is feeling kinda depressed.. she isn't really a big fan of her class... there's this invisible cliques formed.. quite obvious but only the class tries to hide it by being together... she misses her old friends... friends like kahyin and vanessa... the ppls she could be ard with and be comfortable with toking and laming ard....

as for the 2.4km run, she got a record breaking of longest time - 20.48min... but her teacher seems really nice.. cos he did say the word ' good' when she finally completed the six rounds... she's gonna strive harder... cos she noes that even her good pal can pass with 16+min... nothing shld be impossible.... she's juz gotta rmb: mind over body.... but wat to do? she's always tot herself as someone with no brains not brawns.... she is also gonna pray for her sit-ups and standing board jump.... hoping she will get the bare min.... if she can't get a silver for her 2.4, at least she wishes to do well for her 5 stations.... there won't look too bad afterall...

after failing a couple of tests, she is beginning to feel the pressure.... the stress.... she's afraid she won't be promoted.... but then, these tests all add up to 10% only... so no biggie, rite? but still, she has to improve in her studies, esp math... in sajc, the tests are totally different from the tutorials... argh... she grumbles in unfairness as she knows she wasn't born to be good in math...
she fears the tot of being retained... there's the new syllabus and the part abt not being with her friends... graduating one year later... terrible, man...

she initially tot she had a great PI idea... but she's totally screwed cos, it seemed like she needs alot of help... as appeared from wat the teacher said.... she noes what she's gotta do, but she juz doesn't have the idea...

well, for ppls who had been reading her od and now this blog, they should noe that she's kinda changed the contents... she dun complain abt the POINT of doing various things... she juz complain that she can't do them well.... cos she noes that it's no use complaining and saying ' wat's the pt of doing these?' the govt ain't gonna change anything.. even if they do, it won't be anytime soon... so quit it, juz do it.... try your best

she think some ppls in her class see her as an isolated case despite her presence ard another friend... wadeva... she think she need to buy some self-help books for herself to improve in her
interpersonal skills...

sick...

came back from yesterday... got sicked... but i still went for the supposed class gathering... well, i have to say my class is very smart... as in most of them.. who didn't turn up.... perhaps they predicted that no one's gonna turn up.. that's why they dun come... of course, there are the ppls who say they got something on... something that kinda piss me off is the fact that the few of them who said they can come didn't turn up... AND they didn't inform us... but i'm glad kelvin, xinyi, yongkai and sy turned up... well, there are 5 ppls, so it makes it a grp outing... i dunno whether the outing was considered successful... but we din really stone there... so it's good...
oh for dinner, jas came along... really appreciated that... thanks ppls...

well, i'm truly sick... at 8am, my body temp was 38 deg celcius... cool, huh? okay... no it's hot... i dun really feel sick despite the high temp, though... going to see doctor later...

happy birthday to me

today is my birthday.. seriously it's no big deal... i'm not the kind who needs company to go out and celebrate with me... so to yq: dun make me sound so pathetic... meanie... wl and sy delivered the present to me... it was very sweet of them... apparently the present was from quite a number of the bandmates... thanks alot!! the shirt was cute... but if i play tennis in it, i'll reveal my fats.. eeks!
i was quite disappointed at something.. i shan't mention... i noe what to do next time..

i'm quite worried bout the class gathering.. not sure that many of them will turn up... on one hand, look at the bright side.. if there's little people, they will tend to bond together more compared if the whole lot was there but still in their own cliques, true?

yesterday got soccer matches... ac won innova... sa won hc!!! hahahaha... anyway, i was at the caf and i started to look out for yk... so difficult... cos quite far.. anyway.. i spotted 39.. tot it looked abit like him... the way he ran.. and tried to use his head to get the ball.. haha.. so yk... then, had a discussion wif sy whether it was him.... and i was right! shows that my eyesight is still quite good...
anyway.. many saints brought the tables to the side of the field, blocking me and sy's view... but we soon made our way to the gallery, where we met up with yk... it was quite weird lah.. cos the cheers, rite.. were not what we learnt during the orientation..so what's the point of learning then? sian. oh.. my classmate was in the sa team.. and he got injured.. ouch.. i think he banged into this other guy... i could actually hear the impact... eeks.. hopes he gets well soon...

next mon wil be sa vs ac... hmm.. may the best team wins... (and may that be sa..) haha.. hope no one get injured though... oh, i heard sas won acs(i).. haha... may the trend continue... all the best, team sajc! oh.. i wish yk luck too.. only him,not his team... hehe.. .


oh.. there was also this talk bout the testimonials... ya.. so weird.. the principal was making fun of the others... actually, it's good to be simple wat... i mean, if there are leaders, there need to be followers too, rite? or else, how are the leaders ever gonna get their stuff done.. i was kinda worried too.. i think i'll be the quiet person... maybe, i can be more open in COOP.. haha... be in the ex-co or something.. wadeva lah.. see first... i juz think it was quite mean of her lor...

freaked out!!!

i have been running for the past few days ... at home..not on treadmill.. u noe, it's like, on the spot lor... quite lame ah... but i really ran lor.. or at least, i jogged... i got timed myself one... gradually increased from 3min to 18min... somehow, i ran 22min instead of 18 yesterday... my legs have been cramping... but it was a great feeling... cos i've ran... outdo what i tot i couldn't do... very satisfied
today, i've decided to go to the park at my place to run.. i wanted to run the distance... to see whether the past few days i've improved.. unfortunately no... i started running... then i realized it's all gone haywire... i ran 2 rounds... then i stopped liao... that equals to one round around the track... so lan rite??? my plan was to run 45 sec every 100m... but i overshot.. but i still managed to run under 3min for 400m... so that's good, rite?

i'm really pissed lor... i'd rather run on the spot than around the track... when, i'm running on the spot, i juz focus on the time, when it's around the park... i get confused... like... it's a slightly different feeling... i seriously need to go train... i hope i have determination to do it...

without struggle, there can be no progress

i muz keep that in mind... motivates me to do perservere... ya.. i actually forgot about it when i run today... that line kept me going when i was running the past few days...

right now, i juz pray the pe teacher we get tmr will juz do height and weight and not make us run... hmm...

anxious.. worried... going nuts!

hiaz... we'll probably get our time-table next week... which means... time to practice for 2.4km!!!! gosh... can u believe it, 4 years already, i've yet to pass 2.4km.... i've yet to get over my phobia... i've yet to improve my stamina despite my new year resolutions every year for the past 4 years.... no matter how i set myself a list of exercise to do, i juz can't follow it after at most 2weeks.... i'm so terrible.... i feel like i've wasted my life.... i mean, why make life so miserable over some stupid 2.4km.... why can't i juz get myself to do it.... lead a heathly life.... i've calculated... if 18 min is the passing time, i need to run 3min per round, 45sec per 100m.... if only i was forced to do it.... if only my dad had forced me to run with him... if only i've heed his advice.... if only......

alot of ppls are going for the ah leow tuition... most of them are those taking 4 sub.... can't believe it... i'm thinking of going too.. but my parents never liked the idea of sending us to tuition.. if we can do it, we can... according to them, they dun wanna push us too hard... besides, it does cost a sum of money... let's juz say, i'm doing AVERAGE only w/out tuition...
so ridiculous rite... i'm not studying now becos there's no test.... i mean, that's everyone's concept... only to study if there's a test/exam coming up.... nobody bothers to study... i'm not going to complain bout why i'm forced to take up math for the time being... wo(3) ren(4) ming(4) le....

cca is bullshit.. so is cip... the most impt thing now is to get a good testimonial, and what better way to do it than by doing tons of cip? forcing ourselves to appear to be some passionate bout cip when all we want is juz to get a good testimonial from our teachers... to the govt, this is not working out.... gd eg is me and my dear friend... thinking of ways to DO something, when all we have in mind, is actually to impress our cts... we're such laughingstocks... hey, if U are reading... i'm not exactly refering to u only okay... everyone's doing it... i'm juz pissed that we stooping so low... well, not exactly stooping so low... it's juz that our mindset are not right.... testimonial... it shld be confidential... it shld not be let known to students that a testimonial is impt... it juz brings out the pretentiousness in people.... people like me...

hey, but on the other hand... i really wanna donate blood.... i dunno... i'm not thinking in a way to help others... i juz think it's cool... so lame rite... at least i'm not donating to get credits... i'm donating cos i think it's cool... the latter sounds better, rite...

crybaby

i'm so pissed with myself... well, not really.. juz shocked, embarrassed and diao?! anyway, we had the presentation thingy today... i tot it was to tok about myself... but then the first few speakers were toking bout their own personal experiences... so my preparation went down in the drain... and i juz crapped bout band...

i was saying how i joined band.. blah blah blah... then i reached the part where i was saying bout how we took the unanimous first breathe during the leonardus rex... I DUNNO WHY.. but i juz started tearing.. well, not really lah, my eyes were slightly wet... i was shaking... then i hurry up finish up and went back to seat... i guess most of the ppls could tell that i was about to break down? i dunno.. i tot i was quite obvious when i started taking tissue out to wipe dry my tears... the instructor was saying something like i have to control myself when i toking bout certain emotional issues

BUT IT"S NOT... i swear... i was juz very nervous... i mean, i din even cry when we got silver lor... why would i cry while telling the experience... band life to me, happens to be the worst time in my life... (also the best lah...) ya.. anyway... i was extremely embarrassed.... i shocked myself... maybe even the rest of the class... eeks!! what a terrible bad first impression...

please pardon me... i juz realized i have very active glands.. the one that produces tears..shucks ...

oh strange thing is... the topics that everyone choose were at least 3 min.. the instructor was out of tape lor... haha... i can't believe it... so weird rite?

formalities

okay..i was really pissed when i found out they were late... i mean, come on, if u dun wanna come, then tell me... and worse still, if u had already wanted to come, can't u have some decency enuf to wake up early.... i'm telling myself, i'm never asking them out for gym.. ever. okay, so i simmered down when they FINALLY arrived... i was thinking, we've been friends, i should have expected this from them... but someone forgot her manners!!! she din apologize.... and that made me pissed for a few seconds cos the other one had already done so... did she think it was alright? oh gosh...
i think it's juz me... but i feel that manners are really impt, even among friends... i feel like demanding an apology from her right now... but i noe, she'll probably not mean it... but i'm not gonna rmb that she forgot to say sorry... i'll juz keep in mind to forget to apologize to her some other time later... BUT becos it's ME aka miss-very-polite-to-all-my-friends i'm toking about, i'll probably not be so mean... maybe, i should learn to be more forgiving... rite, that'll be one of my resolutions this year... forgiving someone for the things she've done and for the apology that she doesn't say .. rite.

05S55

erm.. today din go sch AGAIN... but i got reason one.. stomachache.. but i'm fine now... fee kinda bad.. to leave sy alone... but then again, i din want to create a scene for myself... also abit disappointed that i won't be 'interacting with my cg mates'
yesterday when i had lunch with them, i kinda felt that they are really a great bunch a ppls... very friendly and nice... but most of them already knew each other... oh, and it happens to be xinyi and wanting's ex class... as usual i was really quiet... i did attempt to start a conversation with some of them.. but none of them lasted long... oh gosh... well.. on the brighter side, even if i go back to s6 combi, i wouldn't really know any of my classmates cos most of my previous cg mates are in better classes now... i hope things will get better... soon. cos somehoe, i kept going back to the new town gang.... u noe.. it's so natural... but then again, it's becos it's during orientation... when classes start officially... i'll be on my own... or hopefully, with some of my newly-made friends...

confession:
i'm feeling very insecure right now.

i wish there could be a new town junior college... haha.. then those in ntss wil go ntjc.. ya.. and ceteris paribus(all else remains the same)...

what am i studying for???

i rmb..back in sec 3/4, i was complaning about studying amaths.. and physics.. cos i suxed in both subjects and i was also telling myself that i don't wanna have anything to do with physics or math in the future.. at least cheam math lah...
now i'm in such a dilemma.. well not exactly dilemma cos i'm not forced to make one out of 2 choices.. i feel frustrated... i went to the ntu, smu and nus webbies to see what i can take or what i shld take and/or so that i can make a decision for the option form thingy... i'm thinking of bio, chem and math... yes, i'm dropping econs... cos i totally sux at math and i feel that i need to concentrate more on that very impt subject.... then i was thinking, wat to take in nus? dentistry, pharmacy???? it's so diao lor, now that i think about it... study that to make money? study that to please my folks? i noe this is reality... but i juz refuse to face it... i'm thinking of poly... but i dun think i like the kinda life there... well, the courses that may interest me in poly is tourism and design & environment.. but wat shit is that? i juz feel so sick! i wanna cry.. really suddenly, i wish my main aim in life is juz to get into sajc... then, forever i will be stucked with 8 subjects and not think about anything else.... siao rite?

i went to this other website... universities in australia that offers marine biology courses.... i seriously think that is very interesting and i will definitely work hard for it.. but how can? in australia leh? i dun even have the means to go there.. much less to study there... if only i'm rich... i'm so vexed rite now... i dun even noe why i'm studying.... i'd so rather work with the animals then do any of this... even if i do well in my chem and bio, chances are i won't get into the universities in aussie either.. it's so slim... what to do???? i'm envious of those who noe what they want in life... that's their purpose of living... i dunno my purpose of living in this world.... so jia lat.. what am i going to do??? it sux... it really does... i desparately need some expert's advice on wat to do... go thru a lvls(chem and bio) and migrate to aussie? (siao, i dun dare, neither do my folks).. a scholarship will be sweet.. but who's gonna offer it???

shld i juz concentrate on these few subjects, get the s papers, then find a way to aussie?? maybe i'll be the illegal immigrant.. so lame... but i guess, that's what i'm gonna do now for the time being... a step at a time... maybe my long-term goal is to study marine biology... for now.. make sure i study hard... that sound rite? i think so...

phew, i feel much better now that i have sort out my thoughts.. dun think so much first, juz do my best in wateva i feel is rite for me... i'm living for myself... sounds good, huh? i tot so... hehe