13

i received my results already... as u see, it's 13...
english-b4
com. hum-a1
emath-a2
amath-b3
physics-b3
chem-a2
bio-b3
chinese-a1
well... i was feeling neutral... not excited, neither scared... then they relieased the results... yh and wl both got 6 As... and well, was 'featured' on the transparency... so was yeqin, who got 8 distinctions... i'd say she's a hardworking girl... she deserves it... and well, even sy got 10 pts, much better than me, her english got b3, also better than me...
well, on one hand, i'm happy for my good friends... they worked hard... esp sy... though she always appear to be humble... i suppose.. i shld be too...
but on the other hand, i can't help feelind jealous of their results... wl wants to go poly, that's fine... it won't bother me much... as for yh... i dunno... i give her my congrats.. but still... you see. it's not easy seeing a good friend getting much better grades than u.... it's like... i juz dun get it... i also studied hard... but i have to say, they are smart... maybe it's the way i've been studying.. i'm gonna change... i will... for the better... for now.. i dunno how i'm gonna face them.. i do hope sy will get into sa, but it's unlikely will get into the same course, much less same class..i think i may have some difficulty FACING them... maybe it wil go away some time later... forgive me pals... u guys muz understand that i'm this kinda person...
i really wanna change.. but it's hard...
after i got my results.. i went out... then that nite, i tried to sleep.. abit difficult... cos i kept thinking bout how well my friends did compared to me... i tried to cry.. i couldn't... tried to be happy... very fake... i was basically stoning...
it's so painful.. to be in the middle of happiness and disappointment and yet still unable to feel either of them... get wat i mean?