i was kinda proud of my effort to finish up my notes cum revision for research methods up til 2 plus in the morning. am embarrassed to say i have a breakdown halfway thru that has nothing to do wif study stress. anyway, i think i've gotten over it. i can't expect the whole class to be my best frens rite?

anyway, i juz have to sort out some of my thoughts. i know i've been kinda ''anal ''(hate using this word of myself) abt the few projects that i have to do. i know it's like only a couple of credits compared to the more impt mod like MS and CP. but i do hope to do well cos i know it's these little points that can and will help to pull up the overall gpa.

yup. so, rite now, i'm supposed to be studying for MS.. but then hor, i'm starting to feel this mixed emotions of fear, confusion, uncertainty as i flip thru the bruckner book. as i look at the terms that i've learnt during my first year, and i look thru the stuff related to examination of the knee and its associated injuries, i felt scared. like scared not becos of whether i can memorise for my exams anot. but truly scared and afraid as to whether this is really what i want to do for the rest of my life...

physiotherapy is what i want, but i'm not sure whether i can do it anot. i'm not sure if it's in my blood to become the capable and confident physiotherapist that i aspire to be. much less a sports physiotherapist.

here comes the negativities: what am i supposed to do if i leave this course? i'd be even more confused, and a even bigger burden to my parents and with no aim in life. that's not wat i want. there's no way i'm gg to uni becos nothing there interests me and well, uni life isn't as slack as what we were told in jc.

as i look thru the book, i'm not sure if it's becos of the long day i have + insufficient sleep or issit becos subconsciously, my mind or heart (or maybe the brain) is unsure , that is causing my eyes to wet.

i really dunno what to do. this really getting tougher by the day.

i really hope this is juz a phase that i'll soon get thru. and maybe as i learn more in class and get the whole concept, i won't be as clueless and helpless as i'm feeling rite now.