13

i received my results already... as u see, it's 13...
english-b4
com. hum-a1
emath-a2
amath-b3
physics-b3
chem-a2
bio-b3
chinese-a1
well... i was feeling neutral... not excited, neither scared... then they relieased the results... yh and wl both got 6 As... and well, was 'featured' on the transparency... so was yeqin, who got 8 distinctions... i'd say she's a hardworking girl... she deserves it... and well, even sy got 10 pts, much better than me, her english got b3, also better than me...
well, on one hand, i'm happy for my good friends... they worked hard... esp sy... though she always appear to be humble... i suppose.. i shld be too...
but on the other hand, i can't help feelind jealous of their results... wl wants to go poly, that's fine... it won't bother me much... as for yh... i dunno... i give her my congrats.. but still... you see. it's not easy seeing a good friend getting much better grades than u.... it's like... i juz dun get it... i also studied hard... but i have to say, they are smart... maybe it's the way i've been studying.. i'm gonna change... i will... for the better... for now.. i dunno how i'm gonna face them.. i do hope sy will get into sa, but it's unlikely will get into the same course, much less same class..i think i may have some difficulty FACING them... maybe it wil go away some time later... forgive me pals... u guys muz understand that i'm this kinda person...
i really wanna change.. but it's hard...
after i got my results.. i went out... then that nite, i tried to sleep.. abit difficult... cos i kept thinking bout how well my friends did compared to me... i tried to cry.. i couldn't... tried to be happy... very fake... i was basically stoning...
it's so painful.. to be in the middle of happiness and disappointment and yet still unable to feel either of them... get wat i mean?

slacking

read a few od entries.. really missed tennis lessons... and the days where i dun have to worry bout tests and hw... i juz feel weird about so many things... like, i want to start everything fresh again.. can i ? no. today is sunday, which means i'm not really supposed to be doing any hw... cos i dun have the mood to do so... want to watch tv.. but nothing catches my attention...except 7th heaven... need to study for chem and math.. i dun really noe how to... i'm juz lazy... rite now, i'm writing this cos i dunno what else to do.. it's juz so miserable... missed the nt days.. can juz tok to anybody... now, it's like, i only have a few friends.. and the others.. well, i dun even noe how to start up conversation wif them... all ky wants is to play bball... no offense.. playing it every available break u have is kinda 'too much', dun ya think so.. okay.. maybe i shld come to terms with myself that i am not such an enthu person... (but i do still look forward to those adventurous activities such as bungee jump, sky div, rock climbing... i hope to climb mt fuji... )

wat to do??? i feel lost again.. friendless again... miserable...

campus rumpus

today is the day!!! campus rumpus with the saints... reached there pretty early, when there's actually no need to.. mainly sat around and stone... walked ard the whole track to see the various activites... i tried the BIG slide, the haunted house.. it was really scary lor!! i couldn't hear the story.. and i was wondering how the tour guide kinda looked invisible... i think it was not bad lor... i knew someone was touching my shoulder... i was like.. 'stop touching my shoulder...', screamed alittle... luckily, it was in grps of five... so not bad... well done! i din really played much of the games as i had planned to do so... i had alot of tickets... i spent $60 on tee shirts... then.. some drinks and food... our stall- cocobowl was not bad lah... many guys were like.. interested.. until they rolled their first coconut.. it was either too hard or wrong side... they were like stunned! yah.. hehe.... they tot wrongly... it actually required some sort of skill... not the kind of bowling skill though... yah.. my record was 9 pins down... and yes, there were stikes... so, nothing is impossible...

i was actually quite erm.. *diao*.. cos.. i wasw helping the 'cool' clique during their shifts... 2 of them were in the tents, doing the tougher job of getting hit by the coconut.. i was like holding the tins and colecting the money... yes, under the hot sun... then, they had like no appreciation of me helping them.... it's like when i told V i was going and passed her the tin, she din even say thanks for helping or bye.. they were like slacking lor... okay lah, maybe i was mean too.. like, when weijing was helping out during our shifts.. i din really thanked her... but i said bye! ya.. wadeva, i'm the lame one... oh, weijing was helping cos she had to leave early, and couldn't do her shift... ya...

oh, next thing.. it's either i'm really paranoid, or i seriously think that kaiqi doesn't like me... really... it's like, when i told her about the change of shift, she kinda ignored me... maybe the music was loud and she couldn't hear me.. but i could sense it... and i dunno why!!! everytime, she kinda walks towards our grp, she will be calling vanessa, or kah yin... NOT ME... i dunno.. i juz feel like she doesn't pay attention to wat i say... like, she's not interested in wadeva i tell her... one incident was at the canteen, when i told her bout the stc girl... and i pointed to her some of the ppls that i was referring to, and she was like, 'oh, i dun care'... i was like.. okay... u could have said 'oh' instead... okay, maybe i'm real paranoid... i mean, I SERIOUSLY, issit something i did??? was i like too boring??? argh.. i seriously dun wanna be the next 'deenise'.... gosh... i went to jjc wif limin and yuzheng... limin was commenting that i was kinda quiet.. okay... i dunno...i dunno wat to say... like, i can't really start up a conversation... i can elaborate on wat to say though... ya... well... i 'm juz bothered... by the fact that i may have left a less-than-neutral kinda impression on the others... *prays hard*

i'm really rather red today... not dark, like lobster kinda red, ard my neck area and arm...... and i had some abrasions... hiax...

meanie mean

yesterday had pe... was not bad.. no need to run at all.. played tennis.. i still sucked... most of the others din really noe how to play tennis... no offence.. but i'd rather play with yh.. cos she's more... on par with me... then... though, most of the time was spent by picking up balls.. i was quite exhausted... so much that i felt queasy after buying my food.. i ate very slowly.. which was like so not me lah... i din finish it... too oily... oh, and looks like kq and lm also not very happy with that d girl... MUAHAHAHAHAHA... oh ya! vanessa told me, when kq asked dee why she came to join their grp, her reason was that ' all we (me, vanessa, ky) talk about, is food... WHAT THE ^%$^%&*^%$ so utterly ridculous lor.. excuse me! we were the ones was pursposely ignored u and left u out lor, u were 'smart' enuf to get our hint, that's why u join the other grp... i mean, look at us, do we look like lydia sum(no offence to lydia sum...)??? u are the one 'bigger' than us(i dun give a damn how U feel).. and it's not like we talk alot about food lor.. it's juz that we dun talk to u much.. so whateva non-food topics, we'll be chatting amongst ourselves... boo u !well, guess what? they dun like u either... hahaha!!!!
i noe.. i'm pretty mean.. i seem to be unhappy with a particular person at every stage of a time... oh! juz realised it's the same first letter... gosh... what a coincidence...

oh, another meanie mean.. i went for sports club .. was at labrodor park.. then supposed to run 2 rds.. i tied my shoelace then, i started lagging behind.. then there was this 'green' senior who accompanied me to run.. she can tell i have trouble running... then she asked what cca i was in sec school.. i said, band, military band... THEN, she said, our sch band is quite good, u dun have to have any backgrd to join... it took me a while b4 figuring wat her messege was... to quit sports club and join band... since i can't run that well... i was like.. quite upset... she's really mean... instead of encouraging me and giving me advice... she tells me to join band... at least, that's wat i interpreted from wat she told me... i'm crushed... but who gives a damn.. i'm not leaving sports club... i will train... will... when i'm free.... ya.. see first lah... wadeva..

today was preparation for tmr's funfair... my ct was wearing this ultratight shirt and jeans.. then he had the front part of his shirt tucked in while the rest of it was left out... so outdated lor.. that's so primary sch... then, he changed into shorts!! shorts!!! omg!!! he's shorts is not like the pe teachers' shorts that are knee- length.. it's those really short ones, like those girls' FBT shorts.. worse still, it's not the airy kind, it's the 'cannot-breathe-through' kinda shorts... like.. erm... bermudas that kinda material... it's beige in colour... totally gross... and.. worse part, his zip was undone... it's not zip lah, but valcro... ( sorry, i nt sure bout the spelling... pronounce the word urself...)... thankfully, wayne told him, and i did not see it at all!!! phew...

our cg is supposed to use coconut to bowl..know as cocobowl.. nice rite.. so... i din really do much... except to pluck out the leafs... it was quite restless... cos very hot... but, i'm looking forward to tmr... can go and try all the games... esp, haunted house.... and the food... haha... sa's food is really good.. if u're big in size, it doesn't matter how much u dun eat, u're juz fat(last sentence is to a specific person... wif reference to first paragraph)

rephrase what u say

yesterday went to eat vegetarian dinner with my family and my aunt's family... i was quite delighted to see my cousin's 2 babies, especially jone(gao jun)... he's juz so adorable!!! i like his eyes... the way he speaks, and the way he juz wants to eat everything, including vegetables!!!.... and his lil sis, gao en, also very cute... got dimples... she has this little tummy... so cute...!!!

today, went to play tennis at yh's place.. it was a good session.. although i still sucked at serving, i was quite pleased at some of my strokes.. there were some slightly longer rallies.. which was really quite fun... ya, although the strokes that we use were not-so-correct, it was juz nice to see the ball flying ard.. hehe..
then, we were toking bout jc... i think, personally, sajc is not such a terrible school, as according to some other ppls... i mean, all jcs are like this, lectures + tutorials.. so, i think, 'they' shld juz keep their comments to themselves... it's like, poly will be the same lor.. worse, cos muz wear own clothes, even worse if dun have the 'figure' to wear the 'poly' clothes.. okay, i'm being mean here.. but it's true... jc students won't have to worry bout being judged on wat they wear.. get what i mean?...
SO, if u dun like jc life, then drop out.. dun spread rumours bout sajc not being a good sch... those who already decides that poly is that path shld nv have come to jc.. they juz deprive others the chances to go into jc for that particular first 3 mths... and, jc life is juz bout the same as poly - in terms of lectures.. so, u can't say that u dun like lecture, therefore sajc sucks.. cos, lectures will be the same in all other institutions.. u not liking jc life DOES NOT mean that sajc sucks.. it juz means that whicheva jc u go, u will not like the jc... so please! next time, say that u dun like jc life and not,u dun like sajc!
unless, unless... u have went some other jcs.. and u compare it with sa, u prefer the other jcs, then, i think it's okay that u say sajc sucks.. but other than that... u are juz plain mean!

so what?!

okay, i dun really like chinese new year... really.. besides the hongbao collection, i seriously dread cny.. i dun like visiting my relatives... i dun like wearing a skirt that's so uncomfortable that i have to adjust it every now and then... i dun like having to sit on the same place of the sofa from the time i arrive until the time i leave... i dun like having to face mean uncle who says i'm anti-social and asks whether i have any friends in school... GET A LIFE! i'm juz not a very sociable person...i dun like to gamble, i dun like to see ppls gamble and i definitely dun like to lose money in some stupid and lame games, muzh less to play with children of the mean uncle... loser.

anyway, i think hongbao collection has shrunk this year... cos i none of my mum's friends are here... ya... anyway, i won't spend any of the money...
btw, i saw a guess watch... looks quite nice... i was actually deciding on a nike watch... then i saw the guess watch.. and it sorta made me... erm.. fickle-minded again... so i not sure leh... cos i can't seem to find any of the nice guess watches on the net... maybe, i'll stick to the nike watch...
amazing race was USUAL.. like, kinda boring... yet exciting.. i'm really sad.. like disappointed. i was actually rooting for chris and jon... they are such a great couple, i dun rmb seeing them yell and get pissed off by each other... i think they're probably the best pair out of the entire amazing race seasons... Oh, and i'm sorta looking forward to the next amazing race.. i dunno.. btw, wat are the two sickening Survivors doing on the amazing race??? amber and rob... it's like, i tot she won some money already? so why did the producers let them in ??? eeks! so unfair, i hope they dun win.... i dun think i spotted any cute guys in this season... Oh, it's really sad, that heyden gave up in the road block.. it's difficult, but easy ! key and lock... i juz can't stand the way she treats aaron.. and what was aaron thinking?!! proposing to heyden? i tot he was having doubts about their relationship???? sickening...

the mean uncle and his family are here.. my lil bro is actually gambling with his 2 kids.. i'm grossed out.. my bro resembles some sort of 'lan du guai' (gambler...)

sick

i din feel like going to sch on thursday. first becos i din like the tot that i have to look for my cg teacher to get the green slip.. actually, it's more like i din want to see his face.. yucks! 2nd is becos i din wanna do pe.. well, actually it's juz the part bout running under timing.. but thank god, i really had a mild tummyache.. so, i kinda pretended to lie on the bed and 'show' it to my mum... ya, rest is history.. hehe..
woke up at 10am, realised that my period is finally here... so is my tummyache... i din feel like eating cos my tummy was really aching... but haven't reach climax yet lah...

so i went for my dental appointment.. the orthodontist stuck 2 white things onto the back of my teeth... the thing is very hard.. so i can't bite, neither can i even 'close' my teeth... so on the way back, i was feeling very uncomfortable, dun to my tummy ache and the fact that i can't close my teeth.. i couldn't take it.. i alighted a few stops earlier, puked alittle and took a cab home... i rushed back, shitted and there, the climax...

fortunately my mum was home to do the motherly thing she would, wipe my forehead, which was filled with cold sweat... get me a warm cup of water, medicine, and chided my for not eating lunch... well, at that pt of time, i kept changing positions.. i sat on the toilet bowl, then i changed to put my face above the toilet bowl, and then i went to lie on my mum's bed, and then i lie on the floor.. ya, i did these repeatedly... i was in great pain... i so wanted to get a jab to ease off the pain...
strangely, at that time, i was thinking of giving birth... i rmbed watching a show that said that labour pain is 10 times menstual pain... so, i was thinking.. my gosh, do i really wanna give birth to so many children? it's the pain part.... eeks!
anyway, i went to see the doctor.. he was quite naggy... oh, and there isn't jab to ease off menstrual pain, cos it hasn't been discovered... ya...
somehow, after visiting a doctor, i'd have felt better.. my mum made me a cup of hot milo and i ate bread with it.. true enough, i couldn't bit the bread... i had to make it soggy with the milo before i could use my tongue and my opper teeth to tear it off.. yes, i couldn't chew either...

well, i felt better after that.. i din study for bio.. cos i had mc for 2 days... ya...