everybody. mr.p is attached.
i dunno if i still wana take a pic with him on the last day. haha

but erm. yea. he's exactly the kinda average american dude who likes to have his fair share of fun and being crazy. the kinda guy tt i secretly fancy gg out with. i found his facebook profile. and dunno why ah, the moment i saw tt it wrote 'listed in a relationship', he didn't seem as good looking in his hundres of photos anymore. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. OK, laugh at me ppls!
ok la, he's still quite good looking. maybe not as much as in his pictures.

so, no need for whateva hassles in the future. no more extra toilet breaks. no more thinking and planning and taking a risk blah blah talk. haha. he's a happy chap. i dunno if he's the kind of guy tt i'll go out with. most probably not(based on pictures)

okies dokies. now. what will make me look forward to gg to sgh? no more mr.p to go crazy over. i mean, ok, i can still smile and be nice. but yea. it's kinda pointless in a way.

fyi. i'm not like totally crushed and sobbing my heart out. juz kinda stoned abt it. haha. like. sian. ok. moving on. deep inside, i kinda knew tt nothing gd was cmg out of it even tho another part of me was praying so hard!
soooo... after all. it is juz a SUPERFICIAL CRUSH.

really. i'm like. i dun even know whether to be happy or sad right now.

before wk3 even begun- i'm out of love.

2wks of clinicals done.
this week has been.. productive i supposed. i still feel like my S/E is not there yet.. with all the repeating of questions, and double/triple checking of ans. O/E-wise, eh. still NOT THERE YET. cos sometimes, my sense of feel and touch is not very zai. and observation for gait is still juz as bad. the worse thing is, i probably can't link my observation of gait to my O/E :/
anyways, i didn't cry at all this wk. things have somehow became a little 'straightforward' and certain stuff are like - 'standard protocol'. haha. my ce is gonna kill me if she sees this. but i do know wat i'm doing la.
i've even discharge a pt! on her 2nd visit! :D the pain may still be there.but the impt thing is to get them to strengthen the remaining ms and continue to be active :)

clinicals aside. my dear mr.p
sigh. first wk was love struck. 2nd wk was love stuck. haha. wateva tt means.
3rd wk will be a better wk!! BE BRAVE JOYCE! TAKE A RISK!

call me crazy. haha.

it's abt time man.

it's quite tiring to cry after every single patient u noe that. and thank god i manage to control it in front of my CE. wldn't wana let her know tt i'm so weak.
sigh. i wish there were more 'perfect' patients. but then again. even if the right ones came along, i wldn't have know what to do.

learn tt i have to deal with pain. not mine. but the patient's pain. some ppls are juz overreacting way more la

tmr is wkly eval day. think i'm gonna fail it. at least for this wk.
unless, my 2 patients are 'simple cases' tt i can easily diagnose or smthg

ANYWAY. the fantastic news is.
mr.p smiled at moi today :))) was walking back from the toilet and hopin tt the door of the podiatry room will open. and then juz as i walk past this other room, he suddenly appeared! he turned ard and gave me a smile. well. it was like a simultaneous thing when we smiled at each other. SO HAPPY PLS! ya. tt was before i saw my pt la. i was in such a bad state after my case tt i'd rather not see him.

hope i can deal with my 2 patients without breaking down again. i got to learn faster. think faster! and probe further! and i shall not be defeated or 'slaps my forehead in exaperation IN FRONT OF THE PATIENT'

i can do this. i can. i know i can.

i will.

well, i had my first patient today. old lady with frozen shld
hmmm.. did my subj.. but realised i cldn't catch a lot of stuff.. esp those tt my CE asked.. like i totally zoned out and focused on what i have to ask later. sux man.
then after that, supposed to plan wat obj to do.. ok.. but still abit blur and stuff
and treatment.. was ok..
had to get a lot of prompting from the CE cos i was clueless when it came to clinical reasoning. i JUST KNOW SHE HAS TO DO THIS AND THIS. the EXACT reason. not too sure :/

well. i was the only one who had a pt today, the other 2 will be having theirs tmr.. and i dunno if i will want to have one tmr.. haha. can be a really good learning experience la. but i feel incompetent. for the time being :(

seeing mr.p at least twice a day is good:) wish i cld see more of him!
gosh i wonder why they work such long hours! AM usually practice as privates-work less, earn more.
oh wells. who cares. i get to see more of him!

okok. now's the time to recap and do up my hw and stuff. tmr will be a better day!

ha. damn happy. ok. maybe not as super high as i was 2 hrs ago.. but still quite happy la :)

went down to sgh to see our CE juz now, and guess who i saw?!?!?! MR PODIATRY!!! OH MY TIAN! from FAR. abit FAR, i saw these 2 tall built guys, and immediately, i knew it was THEM. the podiatrists! or at least i still think they are since they use 'that room'. hahaha. anyway, we walked PAST THEM :))) and yup, stupid me nv had any eye contact with mr.blondie cos i was too happy and struggling to control my gleefulness(i dun think there's such a word.but.) yup. happy me :)

CE turns out to be pretty nice. so, i hope everything will be fine :)))

mr.podiatry, here i come! WOOHOO!

toughen up joyce!

i was taken aback when he told me smthg in the email. i guess he was right. i sorta came to the realisation, that i have no life. i only have school. my so-called life revolves ard sch&stress. and it sux.

anyway, on the way to dinner in the car, i sorta teared up.. but managed to fight back all the tears and prevented a breakdown in front of my unaware parents.
there's no exams cmg up. but clinicals, UL Ax & Rx, giving instructions, and all these are juz bothering me a lot. not to mention-my future.

i really hope i can pull through all these.. i've came such a long way. and i dun wana give it all up. i juz really hope i know what i'm doing. i hope i'm doing the right thing.

everything is gg to juz get tougher. will it get any easier? seeing the yr3s, they seem to know it all. will i get to that stage?

now's the time to be strong... crying is only of a temporary relief. after all the crying, it's back to reality.

i wish there was more to life than sch. i wish i cld be doing more things, having more fun. i wish i have other commitments other than sch. i wish i was studying in australia from yr1. i think i'd have a better chance succeeding with the pace gg slower. i wish i had a life tt actually feels like one.

i wish. life was easier. on me.